Player Intro
Stephen is an alumnus of Covenant College, where he played soccer for four years. He credits his competitive edge and consistent work ethic to always trying to overtake his older brothers in sports, and being surrounded by the structure of practice and workouts throughout his life. He has carried his strong habits of teambuilding to his work at the WinShape Foundation, and talks about how he navigated his transition away from high-level athletics after graduating college.
Stephen has served on the board of FCA Urban Sports for the past seven years. Their goal is to be the premier faith-based soccer club in the world, bringing hope to Atlanta's inner-city youth through strong and positive coaching relationships.
Gameplan
pD: Alright, Stephen, thanks for being here with me this afternoon. Appreciate you being here. Talk to me a little about your sports and kind of what you're up to now.
SM: Thank you, Isaiah. I'm honored to be a part of this, and I appreciate you reaching out to do so. I love sports, it's been a major part of my entire life, really from the get-go. So I'm the youngest of five children, four boys and one girl, so we just grew up playing sports and being a part of it. My two older brothers directly above me are two years and four years older than me, and they're pretty athletic guys, they enjoyed playing sports, too, so from a young age, I was always playing against better competition. My brothers were always beating me, and it just drove me to want to play harder and try harder, so again, from a young age, started playing soccer, basketball, baseball, really anything we could get our hands on, making up games in the backyard and the driveway and in the house. It was just a part of our childhood, and something I don't ever remember not being a part of, so I grew up playing those sports.
In middle and high school, I was able to join the sports teams at my school. I went to a small, private, Christian school, so if you played one sport, you played them all, because we needed all the athletes we could get. In the Fall, I would run cross-country and play soccer, then in the Winter time, transition into basketball, and in the Spring, play baseball. I really had a love for all those sports, probably my least favorite was cross-country because I didn't have a ball in my hand or on my foot. But I was able to go to Covenant College, where I played soccer there for all four years. I really enjoyed my experience there; the sport especially, but really just my teammates and the fellowship among the guys was definitely a highlight.
So I got married back in 2011, and moved to Atlanta, where I've been for almost nine years now, my wife and I, and still have the opportunity to get involved in sports. Now it just looks a little different, with a Thursday night men's softball league, pickup basketball on Saturday mornings, and just still run fairly regularly and also enjoyed playing disc golf, playing frisbee or whatever sport's going on with my old buddies. We still try to get out and relive the glory days from time to time.
pD: Yeah; now you said you grew up playing a bunch of different sports. How did you end up focusing on soccer in college?
SM: Yeah, I think there was a level of, I was decent at all sports; I'm not terribly skilled, but I worked hard, and to play defense in soccer, you don't have to be the most skilled guy on the team, but if you work hard, and you get after it, and you run as fast as you can, and you stay in front of the guy you're supposed to be guarding, you can be pretty successful. So...probably that was the sport I was best at. Basketball I was not much of a scorer, so that wasn't something I was going to play in college. Baseball I wasn't really strong enough. Had a good glove... but wasn't going to play that in college either, so soccer was the one, and I'm so thankful for that.
pD: Throughout the time that you've been involved in sports, and even now, talk to me about some of the habits you've built through your time in athletics.
SM: Yeah, definitely, I just mentioned a little bit there, just working hard. I think that was a habit that I realized pretty early on, like, "Hey, if I'm not out here practicing, if I'm not out here working hard with my teammates, or as hard, then I'm not going to be successful." So it was also one of my favorite things about playing sports, that every day, no matter what stage I was in, basically from the time I was in sixth grade to the time I graduated college, there was a built in 2-hour a day practice/workout that was a part of playing that sport.
And so just being consistent in exercise and fitness was a habit that I got into that I was really thankful for. But I'd say the biggest thing is just that, that work ethic that it helped create. I really enjoyed that and appreciated that about playing sports growing up.
And getting along with teammates; even the job I'm in now, if you're not a team player, and if you're not willing to work well with others, then you're not really being successful, or if you are, you're going to harm the relationships around you. So I realized early on, to be a good teammate goes a long way, and so, you don't always have to agree, you don't always have to get along, but there needs to be respect that you have for your teammates, and a willingness to put their needs before your own, so I think that was a habit too, that I saw early on was important to be successful as a team.
pD: You already talked a little bit about how that team mentality... has carried over into your work. How has this idea of work ethic and working hard on a consistent basis, how has that carried over to other parts of your life?
SM: That's a good one. I have been offered an opportunity to work at the Chick-Fil-A home office here in Atlanta for the Winshape Foundation, a nonprofit ministry, and so much of what we want to do is, we want to create value and add value to people's lives. So it's not about extracting from the customer, from the client, but how can we add to their experience?
I think in sports, some memories I have are, of course, winning games, or being out on the pitch or on the field or on the court, or wherever it may be, but really it was really those times with my teammates that I remember especially, and I enjoyed a lot, because we added value to one another. We enjoyed being with one another, we had fun together, not always but oftentimes, we treated each other with respect, so that was something that I saw early on that: Hey, if you're not going to be someone that people enjoy being around, or someone that's only looking out for themselves, then pretty soon you're not going to be successful. You might be able to get by for some period of time, but at the end of the day, if your needs are the most important needs, you're not going to be a good team player, and you're probably not going to be successful in your sport.
It was really those times with my teammates that I remember especially
And you can see that in the pros, to the NFL right now, those guys that might be really talented or skilled, but are getting cut from their team because they're not buying into the culture that they're trying to create. So I hope that my team that I work with, I'm on a team of about twenty, would see me as not their boss or not their supervisor, but first and foremost as a team player who gets the work done alongside them.
pD: Yeah, gotcha. Now you talked about this team environment, so you are in a leadership position at this point; how do you, in sports or in general, how would you encourage somebody who is starting out to fulfill those qualities of being a good team player?
SM: Yeah, that's a good question. I think hard work is important. I was, just a week ago, throwing baseball with some buddies in a facility, and there were some high school kids there. One of the guys said: "Yeah, that one kid, he's the least skilled out of the five guys you're looking at, but he's going to play college ball, because he works harder than all four of his teammates."
And I just observed for a little bit, and he was the guy picking up the balls at the end of the drills, he was the guy encouraging the other guys that were kinda sitting around or not wanting to buy in as much, and I was like: "That's the guy I want on my team." He might not have the most skill, but I can tell he has the right attitude. So that'd be the thing I would encourage: "Hey, what's your attitude? Are you gonna be someone people enjoy being around, or are you going to be a drain, and be someone that brings others down?"
Work hard and have a positive attitude
So on my rec league softball team, there's a guy that we're not going to allow back on the team because he just wasn't someone we enjoyed being around. As good of a player he was, it wasn't worth it to have his skill on his team, but to also have his attitude on the team. So we talked to him about it, it's not like we're cutting him loose, he knew it was something we talked about, but again: it's being a team player and having an attitude that's others-first and not me first. I'd say that's how I'd encourage people to think of it: work hard and have a positive attitude, and people will see that and recognize that.
pD: And like you're saying, it comes up in the little things first.
SM: Oh yeah, absolutely. It might not happen immediately, you might not pick it up, but over time, what is that person consistently doing when people are watching and when people aren't watching? And that's when it really starts to show.
pD: Stephen, talk to me about a challenge that you've faced, either in sport or in life in general, and how did you meet that challenge?
SM: I'll think through it in a sports scope. I even mentioned it earlier, having a built in two hour a day workout and/or practice. So I graduate college in May 2011, no longer a college athlete, and I've been playing some sport since I was six years old, and on a school team since I was in sixth grade, and all of a sudden, that stopped.
And so I would say the biggest challenge for me was: "Hey, how am I going to stay consistent in my fitness and giving me opportunities to keep playing sports?" That competitiveness I loved, and I enjoy, but also just being a part of a team, I love and I enjoy. So as an adult, moving to North Carolina for a couple of years, and then to Atlanta, I realized it was really important for me to stay involved; so my wife and I talked about it, we have two young kids and another on the way, and it was like: "Hey, am I going to play softball again this season?" I've been playing for eight years, and for a minute there, we thought about me not doing it, but then we realized I'm going to be a better husband, I'm going to be a better father, I'm going to be more enjoyable if I have this opportunity once a week through the Spring and the Fall seasons to get out and have that competitive aspect.
So for me it wasn't a bad injury, it wasn't anything like that, it was just having the sport kinda taken out from me when I graduated, and having to find and create those opportunities for me to: 1. Keep my fitness level up, and 2. Stay engaged and involved in that competitive team.
pD: Absolutely. And so I've heard that from other athletes, that they've been surrounded by sports their whole lives until suddenly that structure is taken away from them by circumstances of graduating college, and not having a pro career after that.
SM: Again, I still play some pickup soccer and I play in some leagues in Atlanta. I've had opportunities to play with some of my college teammates still. Atlanta's such a great city for sports, and I think about going up to Silverback's and playing in league games with at least three or four guys that also played soccer at Covenant, so it's still great to have that connection.
pD: And so talk about why was it important for you to have faced that challenge? Why was it significant?
SM: I mean, I think you just realize that, again, youngest of five, two brothers immediately older than me and love to play. So from day one, I was competing. Again, maybe not as of one year old, but by the time I was four and five, I was trying to beat my brothers at something. And I was losing over and over again; I wasn't gonna beat a kid, when I'm five, I'm not beating a seven and nine year old.
So I mean, I loved that, that I was always playing against better competition. I was always playing against my brothers or with my brothers, but we love each other, we got along really well as kids, we had our brother fights, but once you graduate and aren't on a team anymore, that competitive nature doesn't just go away. You still want to have it, and I play video games, I play occasionally, but I didn't want that to be my focus; I would've rather been outside, doing things with a ball in my hand or on my foot. So it was really important, we realized, my wife and I, that if I'm not doing something like this, I'm not going to be as fun to be around.
I mentioned that earlier, adding value to people, being a team player, and having a good attitude. And I want that in my marriage as well, so giving myself the opportunity to play, even on a rec league softball team on Thursday nights, sometimes meets that need that I have. So that's why it was really important; it was a challenge to keep finding that opportunity, but it was really important for us to do so.
pD: You felt like that was the way to be true to your personality; the way you had always been as a person.
SM: Yeah, it'd be tough to remove something that's been instilled in you for twenty years. At that point, it was part of who I was, is a great way to phrase it, Isaiah. Sports and competitiveness was just a part of who I was, so I didn't want to lose that. And there's a lot of ways you can go; three or four years ago, I ran a marathon with a buddy. He and I trained together, so we had that opportunity to really push each other and challenge each other and enjoy one another in our runs. When you run a marathon, you gotta put the time, effort, and energy into it, or you're gonna flop. So that's what we did.
None of these things I'm telling you I've done alone
So none of these things I'm telling you I've done alone. Not one of them. So much of them are done in community, and for me, that's maybe the most important part of it. I've mentioned that competitive edge, yeah, I like competition, but I think the community aspect of it is actually more important to me to have that outlet than even the competitive outlet. But if they can go hand in hand, it's an extra win.
pD: Makes a lot of sense. Stephen, that's all the questions I had for you today, I'm gonna toss it back to you here and let you close it out with any final thoughts you had on this intersection between sports and character.
SM: I think I've said it, I've probably said it eight times, but I think it's just, whether it be in your work or on the field, or in the classroom, how can you add value to what they're doing, and how can you be someone they enjoy being around? And so much of that, it doesn't take a skill set, it takes a positive attitude, and it takes hard work. If you can do those things, you're going to be someone that people would call a good teammate, and someone they want to be their teammate.
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